He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
