you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
