I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
