Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
