Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
