Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
