is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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