Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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