I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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