Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
