I'm gonna have a badass scar
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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