What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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