And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
