Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
