I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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