It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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