I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
