Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
