We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
