i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
