She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
