Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
