Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
