I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Randomize
