I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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