clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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