hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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