you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I need a beard to bite.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
