quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
