Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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