What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
