he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
