im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Randomize
