what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
