I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
