the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
