I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just want to make out with him forever
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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