her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
