Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
