I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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