Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
