I'm gonna have a badass scar
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
