I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
