Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
