i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
