Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
