Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
