he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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