It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
