My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
