Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
