perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
